Son-of-a-bitch tool

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Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ‘’Son of a bitch’’ at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Hose cutter

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A tool used to make hoses too short.      

Pry bar

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A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.    

Slotted screw driver

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A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.    

Phillips screw driver

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Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out phillips screw heads.    

2-ton engine hoist

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A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.      

Hydraulic floor jack

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Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.    

Wire wheel

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Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, “Oh sh —”  

Oxacetylene torch

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Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.    

Vise grip

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Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.